I'd Rather Get Beat Up In An Alley

Do you think the Pats are a little nervous about Monday night’s game?  I feel like they might actually have some butterflies up there in chowdah land and that makes me very happy.  As scary as Tom Brady is, I prefer the Patriots sans Randy Moss any day.  I just don’t see Dieon Branch making 40-yard one-finger grabs in the back of our end zone.

I personally  have one teeny tiny little ounce of fear going into Monday night’s game (ok I have a few but whatever).  Have you noticed the way our running backs this season love jumping over the pile on short yardage situations?  You know, 3rd and 1-  Ladainian Tomlinson takes the hand-off then leaps up and over the scrum to pick up the first down.  If you’ve been watching I’m sure you’ve picked up on the fact that Sean Greene recently added this maneuver to his repertoire.  At this point I’m certainly not complaining… they’ve converted a number of important 1sts this season.  It’s just that Jerod Mayo routinely stuffs that play.  Violently.  With helmets popping off and stuff.

I don’t want to see our old man LT (or Greene for that matter) leap up for a glorious 1 yard gain only to be smashed by the evil minions of Bill Belichik.  Perhaps Rex watched some film and picked up on Mayo’s soul crushing tendencies.  One can hope…

Is there anyone out there that could tell me why the Broncos aren’t losing a draft pick for filming other team’s during their walk through?  Didn’t we already establish that if you’re caught trying to steal other team’s game plans via film, it is punishable by draft pick denial and a 2 Kabillion dollar fine?  Monkey-see monkey-do I guess.  Or maybe… monkey-see his boss cheat and win Super Bowls monkey-think “Why not?”  I knew that I didn’t like McDaniels but I couldn’t put my finger on it.  Now I’ve figured it out.

He’s a douche Bag. 

A lying, underhanded, back stabbing, (and now) cheating douche.  I hope he cuts himself shaving if he ever becomes man enough to grow facial hair.

One of my biggest concerns coming into this season was the lack of continuity among personnel from year to year.  We brought in so many new players with big names from foreign places I guess I was worried that the Jets wouldn’t feel like the Jets but more like some almost-all-star team. We let two of our “Play like a Jet” fan favorites go during the off season, Leon Washington being the most painful, and went on a crazy free-agent  spending spree.  Jason friggin’ Taylor is wearing Green and White for God’s sake… my concerns were real.  Would rooting for these Jets feel the same?  Would I have trouble pulling for this “Miami Heat” patchwork team wearing colors that match the blood pumping through my veins?

After Monday Night’s game against the Ravens it’s safe to say these are indeed the same ol’ New York Football Jets.  We showed the world how easy it is to take a talented group of men playing their inaugural game in a brand new stadium and make it look like they don’t even know the rules much less how to score a touchdown.  Illegal Shifts, loads of Pass Interference, pure stupidity (Keller) and fumbles galore… Yes: these men deserve to wear the Green and White.

Then why are all the Jets die-hards already jumping ship?  Literally during the 1st quarter of the game after Braylon’s idiotic penalty negated what would have been a beautiful pass to Dustin Keller my buddy looked at me with a straight face and yelled, “You know we’ve lost the game already!”  Classic abused puppy syndrome… he spent the rest of the game freaking out and now is refusing to go to the Patriots game Sunday because, “it’s going to break my heart to watch us go 0-2.”  This sentiment was not just Larry’s (sorry buddy -  you deserve it) but was also popular among many fans watching the game with us in the bar.  Not only are we in week 1 here but also in the 1st quarter of week 1.   All across the internet, on ESPN, and throughout my Jets-loving bar, people are pulling the shoot and giving up on the season.  I find it disheartening… and yet welcome.

The fact that Larry was right sucks and is beside the point.  I believe in Mojo.  I believe in Juju.  I don’t think the season is anywhere near over and fully expect to beat the Patriots despite Randy Moss’s bravado and Tom Brady’s new hairdo.  With Rex Ryan’s big mouth and coverage from Hard Knocks of training camp propelling the hype machine, our boys in Green have been adding new fans at an astonishing clip.  Seems like everywhere I look what used to say “Giants” now says “Jets.”  Everyone I talked to during the game had an in-depth knowledge of the differences between a 3-4 defense and a 4-6.  If I heard the words “Exotic Blitz” come out of one more analysts mouth I might have given myself a swirly in my aforementioned bar.  None of these things are an issue any more.  The masses are now rooting against us.  They’re cheering for the Jets to get punched in their big, wide, open mouths.

It’s back to being just us: the abused puppies, the die-hards who remember Testeverde’s achilles, Byar’s fumble, Marino’s fake spike, Rich Kotite, and the gall of Belichik hitting the road for New England.  It was before my time but some of us might even remember Shea Stadium, Maynard, Klecko, Namath and a glorious Super Bowl.

We are the Jets faithful and regardless of what happens this is our team.  True, we’re a bunch of idiots but we’re football smart idiots who sell out our games no matter how many losses we accrue or how stupid our tight end appears to be (10 yards Keller. NOT 9).  Other teams have fair-weather fans.  The Jets have foul-weather fans.  When things are going wrong, we nod in solidarity, “Yup, I remember this feeling.  Must be football season.”

I’m a rare breed amongst the sea of Green and White: an optimistic Jets fan.  It’s just in my nature to see the incredible possibilities rather than the perhaps inevitable defeat when the final whistle blows.  We all knew that the first three games of the season were going to be a bitch.  Why mope around when we lose the 1st one against what many consider to be a Super Bowl caliber team?

The Patriots don’t have the defense that the Ravens have but they do have an inexhaustibly meticulous coach who will go over every play from Sunday’s game with a fine-toothed comb.  Expect the Pats to stack the box.  Expect Brady to target Wilson and Cromartie.  Expect Larry to pronounce us dead in the water if we lose the coin toss.  I, for one, am really looking forward to a great game.

Kerry Rhodes promised embarrassment.   Rex Ryan left me a voicemail.  Patriots fans everywhere talked landfills of trash.  Even though we’re only in week two, this matchup came as loaded as any game could be.  If it were a potato it would be one of those chopped beef, cheese, chives, butter, sour cream, salt, pepper, and barbecue sauce “bakers” that I’ve only seen in Texas.  Damn…  victory is delicious.

So everyone in the media keeps talking about the fans.  Our intensity.  Our decibel level.  What about our nervous stomachs during a very ugly 1st quarter?  The stadium was uneasy after watching Sanchez fumble his first snap of the game but when Leon Washington turned it over on the next excuse for a drive, the fear was visually perceptible.  What I mean is you could actually see it.  Our nervous energy took the shape of a big white helicopter which circled the stadium pretty much the entire game.  It’s not like it flew high above us- it hovered just above the top row.  Anybody else see that thing?  If you were at the game it was hard to miss.  I thought helicopter blades were about to scrape the side of the Meadowlands.  Yikes.  Maybe the CIA had money on the Jets…

Seriously, that 1st half was one of the hardest to watch I’ve ever sat through.  Our offense’s only constant was terrible field position.  The Jets looked inept.  We kept giving Tom “I’m perfect” Brady the ball in Jets territory.  I’ve seen this movie many times before.  It ends in tragedy- like a car accident inside a bullet commuter train during rush hour.  All the Pats had to do was move the ball forward and they could sniff the endzone.  Except, well, they couldn’t really move the ball forward.  And the only thing Brady was sniffing was the turf.  He threw 47 passes and not a single one resulted in a touchdown.  His longest pass went about 40 yards to Darrelle Revis and while it was a tight spiral I think he could have led our star corner a little better.   How’s he supposed to get a pick six when he can’t get separation from Randy Moss.  This is about when the “same old Jets” comments ceased and fans dug in with our rookie quarterback.  Mark Sanchez might be the new kid but once he settles down you can almost see the wheels turning in his head.  It’s only a matter of time before he figures out who is left open when the opposing team blitzes.

Revis was fantastic.  Even when it comes to describing his own performance on Moss.

“I just covered him.  If he went to the bathroom, I went, too. I covered him any way I could. When he went to the sidelines, when our offense was on the field and he sat down, I sat right across from him wherever he was sitting on the bench.”

I feel like not enough is being made out of the handshake(s) at the end of the game.  I gotta say I love Rex Ryan.  The dude left me a message, gave me a game ball, and blitzed Belichick all the way through the good sportsmanship handshake.  Belicheat almost dodged D-Rex only to run into a grinning Mark Sanchez lurking with a handshake of his own.  Kill the grinch with kindness…. what a thing of beauty.

Somehow I lucked into a split season ticket situation for next year. 4 games, I get to pick which ones. Basically, a father and son like the Jets but don’t want to go to every game. The only catch is that the Carolina and Jacksonville games are spoken for. Is that a catch? With the AFC East being once again incredibly competitive and Rex Ryan’s promise of a new style of football, I’ve spent some serious time debating which games I should go to.

First choice- and this one’s a no brainer- the Patriots are coming to town in week two for the Jets home opener. Rex Ryan vs Bill Bellicheat, round one- FIGHT! This game will bond coaches, payers, and fans for we will stand together against the tyranny of that state just North of Rhode Island. Tom Brady’s twice surgically repaired knee will be tested as will our revamped secondary I’m sure. Maybe they’ll actually serve beer at this game.

One player I truly can’t stand is Terrell Owens. The guy is either certifiably crazy or just a big dumb jerk. He’s as divisive a presence in the locker room as anybody and a crybaby to boot. I hope to God that he obliterates any semblance of chemistry the Bills had and I’d bet $$$ that he won’t be able to deal with playing alongside Lee Evans. October 18th the TO circus roles into town when the Jets host the Bills and this is another AFC East smackdown. I’m sure Rex feels the same way I do about Owens. Bart Scott is calling his new team “Swaggerlicious” but I’m not buying it until I see TO lit up like the Statue of Liberty on the 4th of July.

My next game will be another eventful one. It will be the first time that I’ve ever been able to root against Duck Pennington. Chad and his gaggle of Wildcat buddies are coming to town on November 1st and I’m confident that this will be a fun one. Did you see what Rex’s defense did to Chad in the playoffs? Yeah so did I. It was pretty much a beat down. Reminded me of my days as an Indian Leg Wrestler but I digress… The Dolphins had a cakewalk for a schedule last season. Next season? Not so much. Their first five games are against the Falcons, Chargers, Saints, Bills and Colts. I could easily see the Dolphins limping in to Giant stadium with a 1-4 record. Staggerlicious. “Welcome home Chad!” CHOMP!!! Did I mention that this is a Monday Night game? Oh… Hell… Yes…

So I’m barely two months into the season with only one game left to pick. This one is another nobrainer for both personal and historic reasons. It is also the only non-divisional game I’ll be at next season.

Personal- Laveraneus Coles is coming back to town with the Cincinnati Bungles. I still don’t understand why he turned down the guaranteed money he was owed but I don’t care. That salary cap space cleared room for our recent free agent madness and now I get to watch him drop balls for another team while wearing a tiger costume. This is the last game of the season so it’ll be cold as hell. The Bengals play in a dome. Juicy.

Historic- The Jets/Bengals game on January 3rd will be the last regular season football game to be played at Giant stadium. Finally Jimmy Hoffa will be able to rest in peace without all those enormous men jumping around on top of him. If the Giants or Jets secure a home field game in the playoffs then, sure, there’s more football to be played. It’s the NFL. Parody is rampant and there are no guarantees. So for now, this is the last coin flip, the last kickoff, and the last chance to watch LC get another concussion at Giant stadium. OK… so that’s maybe a little too mean. Coles has been a real turd burgler recently though so I don’t feel too bad.

Just a quick question here: anybody else sick of hearing Mark Sanchez talk about how great he is?