I'd Rather Get Beat Up In An Alley

So the Super Bowl has come and gone and despite the annual beerfest at my apartment, it managed to leave a few lasting albeit fuzzy impressions upon me.

First and foremost, the game rocked. After what I thought was the beginning of a blowout, Kurt Warner and his crew showed up to prove that the Cardinals weren’t just a Cinderella team that had played above it’s level. As hard as it is to believe, the Arizona Cardinals belonged in the Big Game.

The officiating was horrendous. I must admit it was fun at first, watching the Cardinals get screwed. Fun because I’ve been watching the Jets get hosed at the hands of the officials for years and it was nice to see someone else get “no respect” for once. Kind of a sour grapes type fun.

Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was the tequila, or maybe it was the bacon explosion; but after awhile my entire Super Bowl Party was convinced that the officials were throwing the game. I wasn’t taking notes but it started early on and carried all the way to the final play. For instance, Pittsburgh was called for Roughing the Kicker in the second half. Isn’t that penalty always a replay of the down with yards tacked on? How come when it happened Sunday the penalty was assessed after the change of possession? I’d like to add that earlier this very same officiating crew called the Cardinals for a very bogus Roughing the Holder on a Pittsburgh field goal attempt and that penalty (on 4^th and 22) resulted in an “automatic 1^st down.” You’d think that the NFL would want top-notch officiating in the mother of all Marquee games but that’s just not the case. The NFL is, in my opinion, the best League in all of Sports. No huge steroid scandals (at the moment anyway), no cheesy NBA veteran hook-ups, teams go from 1-15 to 12-4, the salary cap is enforced to ensure parady… I could go on and on as to why I love watching the NFL. It’s major beef is the refs. Why are they so bad? Why wasn’t Warner’s so-called fumble reviewed at the end of the game?

It seemed to me that the Steelers were getting the respect and the calls because of the franchise’s history. As much as I can appreciate how well the Steelers consistently play in a league designed to prevent dynasties, I thought it was all about two teams playing American Tackle Football against each other at a neutral location. There should be no favoritism.

Also, something happened Sunday that made me smile more than any touchdown or field goal, more than any big hit, and yes even more than The Boss rocking out South Jersey– er, I mean South Florida. Matt Cassell was pissed on. Yes, there was pee aimed at Matt Cassell and it landed on him. As reported by the Daily News, an incident in the line for the Men’s restroom resulted in a drunken fan urinating on the Patriots newest Golden Boy. My first thought when I heard this- “No way, what are the odds of that happening to Matt Cassell of all people?” My second thought- “Those odds get exponentially better with every Jets fan let into the stadium.”

If tailgating in the Meadowlands is a beer flavored affair every Sunday, can you imagine what a Jets fan might consume in the parking lot before the Super Bowl? My guess is that I would probably have to pee really badly too and considering how the season ended, Cassell’s top five on my list of things I’d like to urinate all over. Now imagine the surprise when that Jet fan, with a beer filled bladder at the Super Bowl, turns to the guy mouthing off to him in line only to discover it’s the freakin quarterback of the New England Patriots. What choice did he have really? Fate put the two of them together for a reason and it ain’t to play twister…. The dude had to do what he had to do.

Classy? No.

Funny? Very.

The Patriots at 11-5 were barred from the playoffs in dramatic style and as I prepare to watch several species of birds try to take out the Pittsburgh Steelers I would like to revisit week 16 for one brief moment. As much as it sucked to lose to the Dolphins, I’m now taking pleasure in the way we brought New England down with us.

It reminded me of an action movie from the 80′s. You know, where the good guy wraps his arms and legs koala-style around the big bad monster. Face to face, human and demon (or Alien or monster or whatever), sweaty, huffing and puffing…that’s when our hero reveals the pin he’s already pulled from the grenade in his jacket. Finally, horror on the bad dudes face!

And from our hero (let’s call him Jericho)? Only these words uttered in a sand paper whisper, “I’ll see you in hell”

BOOM! The explosion sends debris everywhere- dirt clods, paper, filing cabinets (?), Alien guts… Our hero has sacrificed himself to take down evil incarnate so that humanity might continue…

I don’t think we, as Jets fans, can comprehend what it would feel like to go 11-5 and still not make the playoffs. Could you imagine? And then to have to root for the Jets who just stunk it up to high hell in the second half… somewhere Lady Karma is still rolling on the floor laughing at the Patriots. Need more proof than their record? OK. Here’s a clip from Jeopardy I saw on theJetsBlog. Click on it Jets fans. You’ll like it.

He said hissy-fit, yo