I'd Rather Get Beat Up In An Alley

Do you think the Pats are a little nervous about Monday night’s game?  I feel like they might actually have some butterflies up there in chowdah land and that makes me very happy.  As scary as Tom Brady is, I prefer the Patriots sans Randy Moss any day.  I just don’t see Dieon Branch making 40-yard one-finger grabs in the back of our end zone.

I personally  have one teeny tiny little ounce of fear going into Monday night’s game (ok I have a few but whatever).  Have you noticed the way our running backs this season love jumping over the pile on short yardage situations?  You know, 3rd and 1-  Ladainian Tomlinson takes the hand-off then leaps up and over the scrum to pick up the first down.  If you’ve been watching I’m sure you’ve picked up on the fact that Sean Greene recently added this maneuver to his repertoire.  At this point I’m certainly not complaining… they’ve converted a number of important 1sts this season.  It’s just that Jerod Mayo routinely stuffs that play.  Violently.  With helmets popping off and stuff.

I don’t want to see our old man LT (or Greene for that matter) leap up for a glorious 1 yard gain only to be smashed by the evil minions of Bill Belichik.  Perhaps Rex watched some film and picked up on Mayo’s soul crushing tendencies.  One can hope…

Is there anyone out there that could tell me why the Broncos aren’t losing a draft pick for filming other team’s during their walk through?  Didn’t we already establish that if you’re caught trying to steal other team’s game plans via film, it is punishable by draft pick denial and a 2 Kabillion dollar fine?  Monkey-see monkey-do I guess.  Or maybe… monkey-see his boss cheat and win Super Bowls monkey-think “Why not?”  I knew that I didn’t like McDaniels but I couldn’t put my finger on it.  Now I’ve figured it out.

He’s a douche Bag. 

A lying, underhanded, back stabbing, (and now) cheating douche.  I hope he cuts himself shaving if he ever becomes man enough to grow facial hair.

Between the bad play calling (after all these years it’s no longer suspect) and his tendency to be ultra-conservative (read PREDICTABLE), I just can’t figure out why Brian Schottehnheimer is so well thought of.  Honestly, I can’t explain why he even has a job at all other than the man’s last name.  Last Sunday’s gaffe, to me, was inexcusable.  Yes, I know we won the game and I’m psyched that we did.  Up yours Tom Brady.

Let me set the stage, or reset it I guess.  Tie Ball Game.  35 seconds left.  We have 2 timeouts.  The ball is on our own 40 yard line.  A field goal wins it.  Obviously we look to get in Nick Folk’s range right?  The dude’s missed 3 field goals today but he can make up for it by booting this one home.  With a little luck and some good clock management we should be able to give him a shot.  Simple enough right?  I’m sure you all know where this is going but I’m going to rant about it anyway.

We played for overtime.  WTF?  Why? As if we hadn’t already come close enough to losing?  We ran the ball and let the clock wind down.  Stupid.  Why leave the game up to a coin toss?  Especially in a contest where we hadn’t exactly been running up the score?  I see no reason whatsoever for this possum-like strategy.

Before you hit me with your “But we won” comments let me remind you we won following Chansi Stuckey‘s miracle fumble after our offense failed to move the ball.  We did indeed win the coin toss but we did not march down the field triumphantly.  It didn’t go according to any plan whatsoever.  We. Lucked. Out.

Let me ask you this… what do you think Bill Belichick would have done in the same situation?  Rolled over and hoped for the best in overtime?!?!  Hell no!  That diabolical bastard would have tried to win the gosh darn game because that’s what NFL coaches are paid to do.  He would have put up 8 points and stormed back to his secret evil lair.

Schotty is no good.  Play calling aside, his clock management is worse than Herm Edwards’ ever was.  Remember the Minnesota game?  Favre’s interception saved Schotty from the  wrath of many an angry football-smart Jet fan.   A few short weeks later and here we go again.  Inexcusable.  Unexplainable.  Unforgivable.  Unless we win the Super Bowl… then I can forgive him.

Man it’s good to see Jerricho Cotchery playing like a superhuman again.

One of my biggest concerns coming into this season was the lack of continuity among personnel from year to year.  We brought in so many new players with big names from foreign places I guess I was worried that the Jets wouldn’t feel like the Jets but more like some almost-all-star team. We let two of our “Play like a Jet” fan favorites go during the off season, Leon Washington being the most painful, and went on a crazy free-agent  spending spree.  Jason friggin’ Taylor is wearing Green and White for God’s sake… my concerns were real.  Would rooting for these Jets feel the same?  Would I have trouble pulling for this “Miami Heat” patchwork team wearing colors that match the blood pumping through my veins?

After Monday Night’s game against the Ravens it’s safe to say these are indeed the same ol’ New York Football Jets.  We showed the world how easy it is to take a talented group of men playing their inaugural game in a brand new stadium and make it look like they don’t even know the rules much less how to score a touchdown.  Illegal Shifts, loads of Pass Interference, pure stupidity (Keller) and fumbles galore… Yes: these men deserve to wear the Green and White.

Then why are all the Jets die-hards already jumping ship?  Literally during the 1st quarter of the game after Braylon’s idiotic penalty negated what would have been a beautiful pass to Dustin Keller my buddy looked at me with a straight face and yelled, “You know we’ve lost the game already!”  Classic abused puppy syndrome… he spent the rest of the game freaking out and now is refusing to go to the Patriots game Sunday because, “it’s going to break my heart to watch us go 0-2.”  This sentiment was not just Larry’s (sorry buddy -  you deserve it) but was also popular among many fans watching the game with us in the bar.  Not only are we in week 1 here but also in the 1st quarter of week 1.   All across the internet, on ESPN, and throughout my Jets-loving bar, people are pulling the shoot and giving up on the season.  I find it disheartening… and yet welcome.

The fact that Larry was right sucks and is beside the point.  I believe in Mojo.  I believe in Juju.  I don’t think the season is anywhere near over and fully expect to beat the Patriots despite Randy Moss’s bravado and Tom Brady’s new hairdo.  With Rex Ryan’s big mouth and coverage from Hard Knocks of training camp propelling the hype machine, our boys in Green have been adding new fans at an astonishing clip.  Seems like everywhere I look what used to say “Giants” now says “Jets.”  Everyone I talked to during the game had an in-depth knowledge of the differences between a 3-4 defense and a 4-6.  If I heard the words “Exotic Blitz” come out of one more analysts mouth I might have given myself a swirly in my aforementioned bar.  None of these things are an issue any more.  The masses are now rooting against us.  They’re cheering for the Jets to get punched in their big, wide, open mouths.

It’s back to being just us: the abused puppies, the die-hards who remember Testeverde’s achilles, Byar’s fumble, Marino’s fake spike, Rich Kotite, and the gall of Belichik hitting the road for New England.  It was before my time but some of us might even remember Shea Stadium, Maynard, Klecko, Namath and a glorious Super Bowl.

We are the Jets faithful and regardless of what happens this is our team.  True, we’re a bunch of idiots but we’re football smart idiots who sell out our games no matter how many losses we accrue or how stupid our tight end appears to be (10 yards Keller. NOT 9).  Other teams have fair-weather fans.  The Jets have foul-weather fans.  When things are going wrong, we nod in solidarity, “Yup, I remember this feeling.  Must be football season.”

I’m a rare breed amongst the sea of Green and White: an optimistic Jets fan.  It’s just in my nature to see the incredible possibilities rather than the perhaps inevitable defeat when the final whistle blows.  We all knew that the first three games of the season were going to be a bitch.  Why mope around when we lose the 1st one against what many consider to be a Super Bowl caliber team?

The Patriots don’t have the defense that the Ravens have but they do have an inexhaustibly meticulous coach who will go over every play from Sunday’s game with a fine-toothed comb.  Expect the Pats to stack the box.  Expect Brady to target Wilson and Cromartie.  Expect Larry to pronounce us dead in the water if we lose the coin toss.  I, for one, am really looking forward to a great game.

As bad as I thought the Revis situation would get, I never dreamed it would really snowball into Darrelle sitting out the whole season.  We’re not quite there yet, but after American Football’s top corner sat out Tuesday’s practice he took a giant step in that direction.  By doing so Revis lost a year of free agency which is not a good sign for my Super Bowl hopes.  It gives his threats credibility and shows his determination.  Now what?

We start discussing trade possibilities – that’s what.  If Darrelle doesn’t want to play here for $12 million a year than maybe we can ship him off to some 3-13 team and get us some Herschal Walker-esque love if you know what I mean (wink wink).  Trust me, I know this is probably just a way of coping with agony and I don’t care.

Let’s take a look at some prospects shall we?

We’ll start in the NFC… try our best not to have to face the Island on a regular basis.  The bottom of the barrel sounds promising.

O’ Detroit, your Lions are more like possums.  There’s not much on this team that I could see being worth our stud corner.  Maybe their draft pick next year?  Okay, it’s the Lions-  I’d definitely take their #1 next season.

What about Washington?  The Redskins are always up for a trade.  Revis for Haynesworth straight up!  I’ll take it as long as we don’t have to repay any of that $20 million Albert stuffed in his pocket while he was holding out a few weeks back.

Would the Vikings give up Adrian Peterson?  No way in hell.  Maybe one of their receivers… we don’t need any.  Well then, what do we need?  A safety would be nice.

Would KC give up their rookie safety?  Eric Berry should be playing for Rex anyway.   Another defensive lineman might be a good fit.  A tight end?  Keller’s still the man.

I’ve got it!  Let’s trade him to the Seahawks for their #1 pick next season and their #2 running back.  I hear he’d be a fan favorite up here in New York.   That would be awesome!  Revis holds out because he sees the way the Jets treated Leon Washington only to be the focal point of a trade bringing everyone’s favorite gummy bear home.  Leon’s under a 1 year contract for less than $2 million… I’m just sayin’.

There’s always room for a stud running back right?  I’m sure the Ravens would love to have Revis in a purple uni.  Would they give up Ray Rice though?  Probably.  Let’s do it (although this is in our conference).

More than anything I want Darelle practicing with the rest of the NFL’s #1 defense.  I’m not surprised that Hard Knocks painted the picture with a team-sided slant.  We’ve got to remember that for the most part we’re only getting what the team is putting out there.  They want Revis to look like the bad guy and they’re doing a good job of it.  Who knows what was said at the diner?  Cameras weren’t allowed – we only saw Tanny driving to the meeting and driving away from the meeting.  I wouldn’t put anything past Revis, his agent or our GM.  When you get to this level, the big guns are always on the table.

Tannenbaum:  Hi Darrelle

Revis:  Hello Mike

Tannenbaum:  When you coming to camp again?

Revis:  Next Thursday remember?  I’m going to the Bahamas this weekend.

Tannenbaum:  That’s right.  It’s in your new contract.  You’ve got to work on your tan for the cameras.  What do you think -  tuna salad or cheeseburger deluxe?

Revis:  The cheeseburger but substitute onion rings.  They’re beer battered.  You getting a shake?

Tannenbaum:  I will if you will!!!