I'd Rather Get Beat Up In An Alley

I’ve gone from being dumbfounded to angry to depressed to optimistic to hopeful to “holy crap, we didn’t really give up that much.” I do not, or I guess I should say, did not like the personality I saw Mark Sanchez put on display the weeks leading up until draft day. He struck me as an egotistical jock who’s spent the past few years playing sports in Southern California. When asked about workouts he did for teams he pretty much said “I wowed them with my arm, with my football brain, and with my stunning smile.”

“I threw it really well. I was spinning it all day. I knocked down all the throws. It was great… As soon as I sat down with their team and their playbook, they were like, ‘Wow, this kid has a natural feel for the game. He understands our offense very well.”

That was right after his workout with the Jets a few weeks ago. Ryan Leaf had more modesty. I don’t know why everyone in the media thinks the Jets did an incredible thing by trading up for Sanchez. They gave up three players and a 2nd rounder to move in on a young guy who’s played 16 games at USC. He’s an unproven commodity with an air of arrogance about him. I pray Rexenbaum know what they’re doing. Bargaining with Mangini is akin to dealing with the Devil… I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Did you see the way Sanchez was fixing his sideburns on National TV two seconds after donning a green and white hat? My doomsday draft had unfolded right before my eyes. I can’t stand football players who preen. They are two things that just don’t mix. Preening football players in Jet’s hats make me want to puke.

Abram Elam will be missed even if it’s only by me. Kenyon Coleman? I liked him but he’s replaceable. Remember the quarterback battle between Clemens and Ratliff? All those people in the blogosphere arguing that Ratliff was a superstar waiting in the wings with an incredible cannon that would stretch the field all the way to the Superbowl? Well now we know how much Ratliff must have impressed Rex Ryan during those workouts.

It’s true. We really didn’t give much up in terms of personnel.

We have the offensive line to propel even a mid-level quarterback deep into the win column so if Sanchez is half as ready for the pros as he thinks he is we should be able to score points. We’re a run first team right? Ground and Pound baby! Speaking of Thomas Jones… I loved the way we moved in on Shonn Greene. One way or another we’ll have a bruiser to share carries with lil’ Leon Washington next year. Anybody else smell a Thomas Jones trade brewing in Rex’s laboratory?

We’ve addressed the quarterback situation (hopefully). We’ve still got to find a blocking Tight End and a dangerous receiver. I would prefer said receiver to only be dangerous on the field but the Jets front office doesn’t seem to mind where their prospective players set it off- they’re talking to Plaxico “I shot myself in the leg” Burress. We can’t pick this guy up until 1) we find out if he can still run and 2) we get him a pistol with a safety. He might also need an IQ test and a background check.

D-Rex sure likes to hit the throttle doesn’t he?

The Jets officially have a new coach and while his pedigree is fierce, he lacks chops when it comes to head coaching experience. Jets fans got what we wanted- a fire breathing quarterback killer who’s defense promises blitzes from any postition at any time. We can expect kitchen sinks, safes falling from the sky, cornerbacks hiding behind referees, and hopefully a tenacious ball hawking D. By all reports Rex Ryan is ecstatic about this opporunity and he floored the front office when he interviewed. Despite being in the AFC championship game, Ryan not only came in prepared- the man came in with a full on PowerPoint presentation. The next few weeks will be interesting for Rex, he’s got lots of stuff on his plate to deal with and some of it needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

First of all, Rex will have to bring in a new Defensive Coordinator. Bob Sutton‘s been as good as gone for months now and Ryan surely will be bringing in somebody he trusts to build his trademark blitz-happy soon to be Patriot-destroying defense. Since he’s made it sound like this is his dream job, I can only assume Rex already knows who his new coordinator will be. Interestingly enough, Romeo Crennel is still floating around as a free agent coach after being fired by the Browns. He’s proven himself to be a great Defensive Coordinator but I think Rex will be tapping someone he’s worked with rather than another big-name defensive mastermind. Would be interesting though wouldn’t it? I feared Mangini would team up with the former Browns head coach and further humiliate all of us over here in Jet’s land but it looks like that’s not happening. He’ll probably find a way to humiliate us all by himself.

What about the Offensive Coordinator? It makes no sense but by every report I read or see Brian Schottenheimer appears to be returning. He must have gotten someone in Woody’s family pregnant because otherwise he would have been canned right after the Jets almost lost to the Bills but before the offense didn’t take the field against Seattle. The only other scenario I could come up with is that maybe Mangini secretly made all the bad play calls last season and let Schotty take the blame. Maybe Brian’s been telling Woody for the past few years that “there is no Mangenius” and “it’s his fault we keep throwing the ball on 3rd and inches.” It’s a stretch I know but there is no other explanation why Woody and Tannenbaum are so madly in love with Schottenheimer… they share a serious Bromance those three and I just don’t get it.

Rex also must make some personnel decisions and none of them are more important or immediate than the Brett Favre situation. Will he retire? Should he retire? Does Ryan even care? Woody, Tannenbaum, and Schotty all have expressed their hope that Brett returns but what if Ryan doesn’t even want him? On one hand, he’s a Hall of Fame quarterback that never gives up (on a play or his career) and has thrown way more touchdowns than anybody ever. On the other hand, he looked like dog puke for the final month of the season and has thrown way more interceptions than anybody ever. It also needs to be said that Rex just finished a run deep into the playoffs with a rookie at the helm of his team’s offense. What did Coach Ryan learn from that experience?

Once the curtain falls on the Favre situation, Rex will be able to focus on his new baby; our beloved broken 3-4 defense that just can’t stop the pass and the run during the same season. He’s going to assess what pieces of the puzzle we do have (Jenkins) and what we need (some serious help in the secondary). I honestly think this is why Ryan got the job. According to ESPN, a large part of Ryan’s presentation highlighted Vernon Gholston‘s potential. Rex seems to think he has the ability to be another Lee Suggs.

The overall message to Jets fans and to the candidates for head coach has been that Woody is looking to win now. He’s not looking for a coach to come in and start from scratch but instead for someone to come in and work with the infrastructure we have in place. Rex fits that bill to a D. By choosing a coach who will embrace our 3-4 Woody’s brought in someone who could conceivably win the AFC East next season. We’ve got 7 pro-bowlers and Tom Brady’s looking pretty shakey to return next season. That other QB in the East that everyone likes to throw in Jets fans’ faces? It was Ryan that engineered Pennington’s 4 interception demise just three weeks ago.

Eric Mangini was introduced to the folks in Cleveland yesterday.

Well la-dee-F%$#kin-da.

The abused puppy syndrome has been rampant throughout Jets nation and I expected Mangini to deliver a body blow right away. Surely the first thing Mangini would do as head coach is have a sit down with Romeo Crennel. They’d reminisce about the good ol’ days in Boston when they used to win games and cheat in Super Bowls. Crennel already stated publicly that he’s up for remaining in Cleveland as the Defensive Coordinator so why wouldn’t he want to stay on with an old colleague? Mangini’s got to know that the Jets have an eye on Crennel to replace our lame duck defensive coordinator Bob Sutton because he’s a perfect fit to come in and patch up our 3-4 defense. It’s a personnel specific defense and if we went back to the 4-3 we’d have to some serious overhauling. Crennel’s one of the few 3-4 coaches out there and not only that, he knows how to run it to perfection. You just can’t argue with winning 3 Super Bowls in four years.

The word on the street (and in the rags) is that Mangini is looking to hire Rob Ryan, his old buddy and colleague. I can see why Mangini would go that route. After all, he has been trying to lure Ryan away from the Raiders for years. I’m not saying this is a mistake on Mangini’s part, it’s more of a break for the Jets. Crennel won’t go from Head Coach to Linebacker Coach. If Mangini and Ryan reconnect in Cleveland, Crennel is back on the market for a job and why not jump back into the incestuous AFC East where he’ll intimately know everybody on any side of the ball? I guess Belicheat might try to talk him out of it.

Whoever ends up coaching the Jets next year will inherit a 3-4 defense that still needs some work. Will they stick with the scheme or revamp? Crennel’s a great fit for a coach (let’s say Rex Ryan) who already runs the 3-4. Diabolical combination, that one could be. I guess we’ll have to wait a few weeks for this one to play out but for me, Mangini’s off to a great start in Cleveland.

Getting beaten up by a bunch of street punks wouldn’t have been anywhere near as painful as the last five weeks have been for Jets fans. The Football Gods just opened up their golden endzone, smiled upon the Jet faithful, and then poo-ed all over us. Wow that one sucked. I’m good at rationalizing but this was tough. I can’t help but wonder if Belichick’s karma contributed. The powers-that-be would rather see Manigini fired than a cheater coach his way through injuries galore and return to glory.

Eric Mangini had to go. The consistent problems we’ve had – an inability to adjust to other team’s game plans, the inability to win in the Pacific time zone, the inability to stop the pass (any pass), the reluctance to run the ball with the AFC’s leading rusher, stupid play calling, stupid time management, penalties penalties penalties – everything points to a coach who just isn’t getting the job done. We had Pennington, Belichick, and the rest of the East in a headlock with the most talented team in the league (7 pro-bowlers). My little sister would have had a problem screwing this one up. You know how, for the past month, you were thinking, “This can’t really be happening?” So was the front office. Of course they fired him at the first opportunity. He’s been ineffective since he sat down for Thanksgiving dinner.

So Bill Cowher was going to come in and be interviewed, then he wasn’t, then he was again, and now he’s not. Again. Who knows what’s going on with this one?

Bill Parcells will probably duck out of Miami and it makes sense if only for the Marbury themed paychecks he’ll be getting. Why not get paid Millions not to work and get paid millions to work at the same time. Same amount of work, twice the cash. Double dipping is as American as “cheese food” and just as tasty. Last time I checked, Parcells is an American.

Mike Shannahan got canned. Which I love, because I hate the Broncos and I really hate Jay Cutler. For Shannahan to have gotten fired it means the Broncos must have really screwed up… and boy did they. Shanny is a great coach but also a dirty one. Remember those Broncos players flopping against the Jets every time our offense got some momentum? Shannahan coaches to win and it’s not always pretty. Belicheat vs Shannahan twice a year? There’s going to be some busted knees if this one happens.

So, yeah we need a coach and the list of prospects is getting longer by the day. Ideally here’s what I’d like to see happen. Parcells leaves Miami, grabs Romeo Crennel as his defensive coordinator, and gives Jerry Jones the finger on his way into town. Then he fixes our secondary and lights a fire under Favre’s ass.

For my two cents Favre can’t be blamed until his receivers stop letting balls fly through their hands. I’ve lost so much respect for Laveranues Coles this season. Favre threw waaaaay too many interceptions but he never gave up on a single play. Unfortunately, his team often did.

The good news is, by firing Mangini “Next Year” has already begun for Jets fans. So much is up in the air… speaking of balls in the air, our secondary needs some serious off-season attention. Here we go again….

Happy New Year to All!!!

To Be Continued…

Dear Santa,

I know it’s last minute but this year I’ve got a really important item I need to add to my wish list. Actually, I need you to put it at the top. I’ve analyzed the playoff standings, read all the local sports pages, and I’ve come to the conlusion that you and your reindeer are the Jets’ only hope of making the playoffs. So if you can find it somewhere in your jovial heart to give us one very unlikely Christmas Miracle we promise to put out wings and beer next year instead of cookies and milk. Even those of us who don’t celebrate Christmas will do it. Kwanzanites, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, Branch Davidians, Scientologists- there are Jets fans of all faiths, shapes, and sizes and we’ve really had a rough couple of months.

I know the team itself might not look like they deserve it, but Belichick cheats so neither do the Patriots. Ever been to Boston? Grumpy, wicked Retaaahhds everywhere… Stay away Santa, trust me.

I can’t imagine a worse predicament for Jets fans. We can beat Miami and in doing so we put New England in the playoffs. If we lose to Miami, Chad Pennington takes his noodle arm to the dance and has a very long, loud, hurtful, last laugh.

See Santa? Without you we’re stuck between committing Hari Kari and pulling a Bendict Arnold. A gift is in order. Remember when I was 8 and wanted that GI Joe aircraft carrier so bad? You never brought me one but you did bring my little sister a flying squirrel that Christmas. If you bring me a Buffalo victory come Sunday, I’ll finally let that one go. Promise- seriously I’ll never bring it up again. Is a Bills victory that much harder to find than a flying squirrel? You probably had to go Brazil to find that little winged rat. Buffalo isn’t nearly so remote. Ok, maybe it is but you won’t have to feed the team in your sleigh.

Sincerely,

All of us who are beaten down by Mangini’s “what are you thinking”-ness

ps. I realize that in writing this letter to you I’m deflecting all of the inconsistencies and poor execution problems that the Jets have. Pointing out how terrible Mangini and his staff have been just doesn’t sit right with me during this time of the year. I can’t help but be hopeful. Ill blame that on the egg nog. Happy Holidays to all.

pps… if you still haven’t seen it yet, here’s the Chronic inappropriating after the Seahawks debacle. This might be the only ball thrown by any Jet to hit its target all day.