I'd Rather Get Beat Up In An Alley

As bad as I thought the Revis situation would get, I never dreamed it would really snowball into Darrelle sitting out the whole season.  We’re not quite there yet, but after American Football’s top corner sat out Tuesday’s practice he took a giant step in that direction.  By doing so Revis lost a year of free agency which is not a good sign for my Super Bowl hopes.  It gives his threats credibility and shows his determination.  Now what?

We start discussing trade possibilities – that’s what.  If Darrelle doesn’t want to play here for $12 million a year than maybe we can ship him off to some 3-13 team and get us some Herschal Walker-esque love if you know what I mean (wink wink).  Trust me, I know this is probably just a way of coping with agony and I don’t care.

Let’s take a look at some prospects shall we?

We’ll start in the NFC… try our best not to have to face the Island on a regular basis.  The bottom of the barrel sounds promising.

O’ Detroit, your Lions are more like possums.  There’s not much on this team that I could see being worth our stud corner.  Maybe their draft pick next year?  Okay, it’s the Lions-  I’d definitely take their #1 next season.

What about Washington?  The Redskins are always up for a trade.  Revis for Haynesworth straight up!  I’ll take it as long as we don’t have to repay any of that $20 million Albert stuffed in his pocket while he was holding out a few weeks back.

Would the Vikings give up Adrian Peterson?  No way in hell.  Maybe one of their receivers… we don’t need any.  Well then, what do we need?  A safety would be nice.

Would KC give up their rookie safety?  Eric Berry should be playing for Rex anyway.   Another defensive lineman might be a good fit.  A tight end?  Keller’s still the man.

I’ve got it!  Let’s trade him to the Seahawks for their #1 pick next season and their #2 running back.  I hear he’d be a fan favorite up here in New York.   That would be awesome!  Revis holds out because he sees the way the Jets treated Leon Washington only to be the focal point of a trade bringing everyone’s favorite gummy bear home.  Leon’s under a 1 year contract for less than $2 million… I’m just sayin’.

There’s always room for a stud running back right?  I’m sure the Ravens would love to have Revis in a purple uni.  Would they give up Ray Rice though?  Probably.  Let’s do it (although this is in our conference).

More than anything I want Darelle practicing with the rest of the NFL’s #1 defense.  I’m not surprised that Hard Knocks painted the picture with a team-sided slant.  We’ve got to remember that for the most part we’re only getting what the team is putting out there.  They want Revis to look like the bad guy and they’re doing a good job of it.  Who knows what was said at the diner?  Cameras weren’t allowed – we only saw Tanny driving to the meeting and driving away from the meeting.  I wouldn’t put anything past Revis, his agent or our GM.  When you get to this level, the big guns are always on the table.

Tannenbaum:  Hi Darrelle

Revis:  Hello Mike

Tannenbaum:  When you coming to camp again?

Revis:  Next Thursday remember?  I’m going to the Bahamas this weekend.

Tannenbaum:  That’s right.  It’s in your new contract.  You’ve got to work on your tan for the cameras.  What do you think -  tuna salad or cheeseburger deluxe?

Revis:  The cheeseburger but substitute onion rings.  They’re beer battered.  You getting a shake?

Tannenbaum:  I will if you will!!!

Training camp is under way and I’m sure y’all have heard Darrelle Revis is still holding out.  Only in America could a dude making a million bucks a year under contract until 2013 look like a good guy by holding out for more money.  I’m not saying he’s wrong in doing so -  just stating facts here.  I get it.  He could break his leg (cough… cough… LEON… cough…) and suddenly not be worth the $15.6 million he says he’s worth.  I sound bitter. Sorry for that.  It’s just that loony-tunes Al Davis may have somehow discovered a way to screw up the Jet’s Super Bowl Dreams.  It wouldn’t surprise me if Bill Belichik hatched this crazy scheme in that lab of his underneath Fenway.   You know, the one where he injected Tom Brady with Super Soldier Serum a few years back.

Sadly, you can’t build a team around a corner back.  You just can’t.  Jerry Glanville tried to do that in the 90′s with Deion Sanders. I’m pretty sure that the only thing that team accomplished was getting their butts whupped in the Wild Card Round. Maybe Darelle should follow in Prime Time’s footsteps if he’s looking for some extra loot and try out for the Yankees.  But there I go digressing again.  I don’t blame the Jets for not wanting to dump “#1 Quarterback money” on the league’s #1 corner back.  We’ve got other players to pay: namely, Nick Mangold (DO IT Tanny!).

Revis is the man, no doubt about it.   He’s an unbelievably gifted athlete who not only possesses the physical skills to be an elite NFL player but also plays with smarts.  He dupes quarterbacks into throwing his direction much like a boxer drawing his opponent into throwing an ill advised right-cross.  Then — BANG! — he snags the ball and forces a turnover.  It’s the smarts that piss me off.  He knows that if the Jets pay him $16 million bucks they’re going to have less money to spread around.  Depth is important.  Talent is important.  Multiple weapons are important.  All these motherf#$%ers want big bucks.  It might be the Jets PR finally getting to me but I’m starting to see Revis as a selfish player.  He’s putting his wallet in front of his team’s ability to win games and that’s just  a bunch of baloney.

The bottom line couldn’t be clearer: you sign a contract to play a team sport for X amount of years, you honor it and show up for work no matter how much more you think you might be worth.  Haynesworth is practicing for God’s sake.  Revis – get your but to work.  Football’s a team sport, homey, and you’re letting down everybody on the defense by sitting out.

This might be my favorite picture ever.

Being raised Catholic,  I have often wondered what Hell must feel like.  Well thanks to Marc Anthony, I no longer need to dwell on such trivial thoughts.  There is absolutely nothing worse than having to listen to him melodramatically slaughter the national anthem and then watch his pastel colored gimmick of a football team rip the Jets for all the world to see.

I would much rather get mugged on my way home than sit through Bart Scott getting owned by Ricky Williams again.  Seriously, you can’t argue that a good solid punch in the face is any worse than what happened on Monday night.   Alley Beatings are in full effect here folks… alas, these are indeed the Jets and the last two weeks have not been fun for those of us who bleed green and white.  Anytime a team wearing lame day-glow orange jerseys with teal highlights out-muscles you, it is exactly what Rex Ryan said.  “Humbling.”

Losing to the Saints in New Orleans is one thing.  Sanchez is a rookie.  It’s ok if he acts like one occasionally if it’s early in the season…  objectively speaking of course.  It is NOT NOT NOT ok for this big mouthed, mean, tough, “swaggerlishous”  defense to get pushed around by Lenny Kravitz’ ex-boyfriend.

I don’t care how good Braylon Edwards looked last night-  the only image I remember is him dropping a TD and then getting bailed out by the refs. Which reminds me… the refs actually helped us out all night and we still couldn’t win.  WTF!!?  I’m reading that Jerricho Cotchery re-injured himself by playing and may miss next week’s game against Buffalo which means we’ll get another week to wonder what our offense will look like when it’s all together on the same field.  By the way, maybe it’s because I wear his Jersey but I still consider Cotchery the #1 and Edwards the “tall receiver.”  One performance- albeit a good one- isn’t enough for me to welcome you aboard the bandwagon especially when it’s in a losing effort.

All week long my thoughts went to Mark Sanchez and I worried how he would respond to his buffoonery the week before.  Would he rebound?  Maybe he’ll just revert to being the “game manager” that so many said he must become.   Truthfully, I hoped he would escape Miami with only one turnover and our defense would hold the fort.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine D Rex would implode and allow 21 points in the 4th quarter.  Darrelle Revis got burned so bad he’ll be penciling in his eyebrows for 3 to 6 weeks.  Even  our special teams, which has been 100% meh this season, displayed what shoulda/coulda/woulda been a winning effort if it weren’t for the weak-ass defense that wore green and white on Monday night. We bent, then we broke, and finally laid down the welcome mat.  Sorry fellas, I love ya, but it’s true.  Pwned by the fish.  Destroyed by the dolphins.  Erased by the… uhhh, bright orange SoFla dancers-with-the-stars that you talked smack about in the papers.  It hurts….. I don’t care if Sanchez looked great.  I don’t care if Edwards caught 2 touchdowns (maybe).  I don’t care if Westhoff’s Special Teams has finally arrived.  We should have been able to stop the Dolphins from running the ball when their only option was to run the ball.