I'd Rather Get Beat Up In An Alley

As bad as I thought the Revis situation would get, I never dreamed it would really snowball into Darrelle sitting out the whole season.  We’re not quite there yet, but after American Football’s top corner sat out Tuesday’s practice he took a giant step in that direction.  By doing so Revis lost a year of free agency which is not a good sign for my Super Bowl hopes.  It gives his threats credibility and shows his determination.  Now what?

We start discussing trade possibilities – that’s what.  If Darrelle doesn’t want to play here for $12 million a year than maybe we can ship him off to some 3-13 team and get us some Herschal Walker-esque love if you know what I mean (wink wink).  Trust me, I know this is probably just a way of coping with agony and I don’t care.

Let’s take a look at some prospects shall we?

We’ll start in the NFC… try our best not to have to face the Island on a regular basis.  The bottom of the barrel sounds promising.

O’ Detroit, your Lions are more like possums.  There’s not much on this team that I could see being worth our stud corner.  Maybe their draft pick next year?  Okay, it’s the Lions-  I’d definitely take their #1 next season.

What about Washington?  The Redskins are always up for a trade.  Revis for Haynesworth straight up!  I’ll take it as long as we don’t have to repay any of that $20 million Albert stuffed in his pocket while he was holding out a few weeks back.

Would the Vikings give up Adrian Peterson?  No way in hell.  Maybe one of their receivers… we don’t need any.  Well then, what do we need?  A safety would be nice.

Would KC give up their rookie safety?  Eric Berry should be playing for Rex anyway.   Another defensive lineman might be a good fit.  A tight end?  Keller’s still the man.

I’ve got it!  Let’s trade him to the Seahawks for their #1 pick next season and their #2 running back.  I hear he’d be a fan favorite up here in New York.   That would be awesome!  Revis holds out because he sees the way the Jets treated Leon Washington only to be the focal point of a trade bringing everyone’s favorite gummy bear home.  Leon’s under a 1 year contract for less than $2 million… I’m just sayin’.

There’s always room for a stud running back right?  I’m sure the Ravens would love to have Revis in a purple uni.  Would they give up Ray Rice though?  Probably.  Let’s do it (although this is in our conference).

More than anything I want Darelle practicing with the rest of the NFL’s #1 defense.  I’m not surprised that Hard Knocks painted the picture with a team-sided slant.  We’ve got to remember that for the most part we’re only getting what the team is putting out there.  They want Revis to look like the bad guy and they’re doing a good job of it.  Who knows what was said at the diner?  Cameras weren’t allowed – we only saw Tanny driving to the meeting and driving away from the meeting.  I wouldn’t put anything past Revis, his agent or our GM.  When you get to this level, the big guns are always on the table.

Tannenbaum:  Hi Darrelle

Revis:  Hello Mike

Tannenbaum:  When you coming to camp again?

Revis:  Next Thursday remember?  I’m going to the Bahamas this weekend.

Tannenbaum:  That’s right.  It’s in your new contract.  You’ve got to work on your tan for the cameras.  What do you think -  tuna salad or cheeseburger deluxe?

Revis:  The cheeseburger but substitute onion rings.  They’re beer battered.  You getting a shake?

Tannenbaum:  I will if you will!!!

Rex Ryan pumped his fist in the air and cheered.  Or growled.  I’m not sure but it doesn’t matter.  His bravado, his swaggerlishousness, his draft day blitzes, his sense of humor and his diabolical defensive schemes all came together in an opening day butt whuppin’ of the favored Houston Texans.  Not only did the Jets score a win but they’ve generated some serious momentum heading into next week’s match up against the Patriots at home.

Our defense showed up as advertised.  They didn’t allow a single point and every time Schaub threw a pass he got smacked.   By the end of the game the Texans were running the Chuck and Duck offense.  Vernon Gholston had not one, not two, but THREE tackles… all by his gigantic self and one was for a loss.  I saw him miss a sack because he was more concerned with pushing his blocker up field but hey, improvement is as improvement does and it’s not a coincidence I’m talking about Gholston with a Forrest Gump-ism.  Run Vernon Run… nobody took me up on my $50 dollar bet so I’ll carry it over to next week.  Gholston to sack Brady?  Now that’s beautiful.

What’s got me excited is that the Texans have what ESPN calls an “explosive offense.”  They’ve got the league’s leading receiver and a super stud running back.   We were missing two of our leading pass rushers.  Houston never even sniffed the end zone.  They didn’t make it past the 35 yard line, actually.

Andre Johnson?  Not a factor.

Steve Slayton?  I forgot who that is – sorry.

Mario Williams?  Ran into a Brick wall.

Our rookie looked amazing.   Mark Sanchez didn’t get sacked once.  Read that last sentence out loud to yourself a few times.  He moved around like that elusive quarter in a pocket full of nickles when you just have to have a jawbreaker.  On draft day I wasn’t too happy with the move to get Sanchez but by the end of preseason I was on board.  Now I’ve purchased a brand new shiny bandwagon and I’m parking it outside my apartment.  If you want to jump on feel free.  Might want to bring some beer though because I’m going to enjoy this one fully all week long.

Jerricho Cotchery looks like he bulked up some more in the past week.  Is that even possible?  My friend was making steroid jokes but he’s a Patriots fan so I guess he’s just used to cheaters.  Cotchery is tenacious where other number 1 receivers are elusive and I think teams will be tempted to take him lightly.  Big mistake.  Gritty and tough – he’s a perfect fit for Rex Ryan.

Perhaps I’ll feel different after watching the Pats tonight but I dunno… it’s been a long time since I’ve felt comfortable enough to say “this one’s over” with any time left on the clock.  That came flying out of my mouth during the 3rd quarter on Sunday.  We dominated the Texans and there’s no denying that the Jets are expecting a win next week.  I’ve got tickets to Sunday’s game.  Three rows from the top… all the better to see the mayhem I’spose.

I’ve gone from being dumbfounded to angry to depressed to optimistic to hopeful to “holy crap, we didn’t really give up that much.” I do not, or I guess I should say, did not like the personality I saw Mark Sanchez put on display the weeks leading up until draft day. He struck me as an egotistical jock who’s spent the past few years playing sports in Southern California. When asked about workouts he did for teams he pretty much said “I wowed them with my arm, with my football brain, and with my stunning smile.”

“I threw it really well. I was spinning it all day. I knocked down all the throws. It was great… As soon as I sat down with their team and their playbook, they were like, ‘Wow, this kid has a natural feel for the game. He understands our offense very well.”

That was right after his workout with the Jets a few weeks ago. Ryan Leaf had more modesty. I don’t know why everyone in the media thinks the Jets did an incredible thing by trading up for Sanchez. They gave up three players and a 2nd rounder to move in on a young guy who’s played 16 games at USC. He’s an unproven commodity with an air of arrogance about him. I pray Rexenbaum know what they’re doing. Bargaining with Mangini is akin to dealing with the Devil… I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Did you see the way Sanchez was fixing his sideburns on National TV two seconds after donning a green and white hat? My doomsday draft had unfolded right before my eyes. I can’t stand football players who preen. They are two things that just don’t mix. Preening football players in Jet’s hats make me want to puke.

Abram Elam will be missed even if it’s only by me. Kenyon Coleman? I liked him but he’s replaceable. Remember the quarterback battle between Clemens and Ratliff? All those people in the blogosphere arguing that Ratliff was a superstar waiting in the wings with an incredible cannon that would stretch the field all the way to the Superbowl? Well now we know how much Ratliff must have impressed Rex Ryan during those workouts.

It’s true. We really didn’t give much up in terms of personnel.

We have the offensive line to propel even a mid-level quarterback deep into the win column so if Sanchez is half as ready for the pros as he thinks he is we should be able to score points. We’re a run first team right? Ground and Pound baby! Speaking of Thomas Jones… I loved the way we moved in on Shonn Greene. One way or another we’ll have a bruiser to share carries with lil’ Leon Washington next year. Anybody else smell a Thomas Jones trade brewing in Rex’s laboratory?

We’ve addressed the quarterback situation (hopefully). We’ve still got to find a blocking Tight End and a dangerous receiver. I would prefer said receiver to only be dangerous on the field but the Jets front office doesn’t seem to mind where their prospective players set it off- they’re talking to Plaxico “I shot myself in the leg” Burress. We can’t pick this guy up until 1) we find out if he can still run and 2) we get him a pistol with a safety. He might also need an IQ test and a background check.

D-Rex sure likes to hit the throttle doesn’t he?

Somehow I lucked into a split season ticket situation for next year. 4 games, I get to pick which ones. Basically, a father and son like the Jets but don’t want to go to every game. The only catch is that the Carolina and Jacksonville games are spoken for. Is that a catch? With the AFC East being once again incredibly competitive and Rex Ryan’s promise of a new style of football, I’ve spent some serious time debating which games I should go to.

First choice- and this one’s a no brainer- the Patriots are coming to town in week two for the Jets home opener. Rex Ryan vs Bill Bellicheat, round one- FIGHT! This game will bond coaches, payers, and fans for we will stand together against the tyranny of that state just North of Rhode Island. Tom Brady’s twice surgically repaired knee will be tested as will our revamped secondary I’m sure. Maybe they’ll actually serve beer at this game.

One player I truly can’t stand is Terrell Owens. The guy is either certifiably crazy or just a big dumb jerk. He’s as divisive a presence in the locker room as anybody and a crybaby to boot. I hope to God that he obliterates any semblance of chemistry the Bills had and I’d bet $$$ that he won’t be able to deal with playing alongside Lee Evans. October 18th the TO circus roles into town when the Jets host the Bills and this is another AFC East smackdown. I’m sure Rex feels the same way I do about Owens. Bart Scott is calling his new team “Swaggerlicious” but I’m not buying it until I see TO lit up like the Statue of Liberty on the 4th of July.

My next game will be another eventful one. It will be the first time that I’ve ever been able to root against Duck Pennington. Chad and his gaggle of Wildcat buddies are coming to town on November 1st and I’m confident that this will be a fun one. Did you see what Rex’s defense did to Chad in the playoffs? Yeah so did I. It was pretty much a beat down. Reminded me of my days as an Indian Leg Wrestler but I digress… The Dolphins had a cakewalk for a schedule last season. Next season? Not so much. Their first five games are against the Falcons, Chargers, Saints, Bills and Colts. I could easily see the Dolphins limping in to Giant stadium with a 1-4 record. Staggerlicious. “Welcome home Chad!” CHOMP!!! Did I mention that this is a Monday Night game? Oh… Hell… Yes…

So I’m barely two months into the season with only one game left to pick. This one is another nobrainer for both personal and historic reasons. It is also the only non-divisional game I’ll be at next season.

Personal- Laveraneus Coles is coming back to town with the Cincinnati Bungles. I still don’t understand why he turned down the guaranteed money he was owed but I don’t care. That salary cap space cleared room for our recent free agent madness and now I get to watch him drop balls for another team while wearing a tiger costume. This is the last game of the season so it’ll be cold as hell. The Bengals play in a dome. Juicy.

Historic- The Jets/Bengals game on January 3rd will be the last regular season football game to be played at Giant stadium. Finally Jimmy Hoffa will be able to rest in peace without all those enormous men jumping around on top of him. If the Giants or Jets secure a home field game in the playoffs then, sure, there’s more football to be played. It’s the NFL. Parody is rampant and there are no guarantees. So for now, this is the last coin flip, the last kickoff, and the last chance to watch LC get another concussion at Giant stadium. OK… so that’s maybe a little too mean. Coles has been a real turd burgler recently though so I don’t feel too bad.

Just a quick question here: anybody else sick of hearing Mark Sanchez talk about how great he is?

On one hand, he’s the best young quarterback in the league. He’s got an accurate cannon for an arm and he can complete passes in the most epic weather conditions. Many feel that Cutler is the type of talent rarely seen in the NFL.

On the other hand, Jay Cutler is a jackass. At least he seems like one to those of us who don’t know him personally but read his stupid comments in the papers and hear him on TV. He just comes off as an egotistical tool.

That’s where we are right now. Possibly the best quarterback in the game is begging to get out of Denver and the Jets have a giant ? under center. Cutler’s an obvious solution if he didn’t resemble a smarmy used car sales man.

Since day 1, Rex Ryan has been adament that the Jet’s “quarterback of the future” is already on the roster. That was before whatever happened between the Bronco’s and Cutler went down. While I for one would love to see Kellen Clemmens get his chance, Cutler’s talent is tough to ignore. He’s just too damn good. Physically, Cutler’s as gifted as they come. His heart, his brain, and his leadership are what we call into question. One thing’s for sure (in my humble opinion), if the Jet’s grabbed JC, Thomas Jones will have another monster season. Nobody- not even Belicik- cheats off of Cutler’s receivers.

The question in most of our minds is, “What would it take to get him here?’ Normally I’d think he wouldn’t be worth it but Cutler’s throwing a temper tandrum over there and that tends to speed things up. Our first round pick (number 17)? Do it. Our second round pick and Kellen Clemens? (sorry KC) Do it. What about our 1st rounder and Leon Washington? Wow, that’s a little harder for me to swallow. That’s also the most recent trade rumor floating around the internet. I feel like Leon is such a little piece of Bad Ass that his best is yet to come. But isn’t a quaterback more important than a return-specialist/change-of-pace back, especially one that changes the pace of the AFC’s leading rusher? hmmmm… What if he’s the best quarterback in the NFL? But what if Leon’s the best return-specialist/change-of-pace-back ever? I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE!!! When did Leon become expendable?!!? I guess it’s justified but I’d feel better if we sent them Jones for Cutler straight up.

I feel like it’s important to note that Buffalo is also rumored to be gunning for Cutler.

Cutler + TO = a headache for you, me, Dupree, Chad P, BB, Rex’s D, and everything else AFCE.

When the clock struck midnight last Thursday, many Jets fans turned to the internet for immediate news of the moves their team was making. Despite NFL propaganda, the Jets had created tons of room under the salary cap to play with. They had even more money to throw around then they expected thanks Laveranues Coles‘ sudden generosity- he pretty much gave back the 8 million bucks he was guaranteed so he could go play ball with Chad in Miami. Problem with his strategy is a big ol’ fat man named Bill Parcells who eats little wide receivers for lunch. Thanks Coles. Only time will tell if you’ve dropped the ball… again.

Well, the Jets apparently waited ten whole minutes before descending upon Bart Scott‘s house, dragging him all the way to Jersey, and signing his “violent” butt to a six year contract. Then the Jets went back to Baltimore (or made a phone call anyway) and have now signed Jim Leonard as well. Sweet.

The Jets even came up looking rosey after releasing long time lineman Brandon Moore. Around the inter-web, Jets fans weren’t too happy with the release of Moore. He was a rock-solid presence on the line. Dependable. And now he’s cheaper than he was. Brandon resigned with the Jets for $16 million for the next four years. The big $7 million hit we were going to take this year is no Moore.

TJ Houshmanhowyouspellhisname ended up in Seattle which means he won’t be coming here (boo), but it also means that the Seahawks probably won’t use their #4 draft pick on another wide receiver (yay!). Drafting a wide receiver is an option for the Jets especially since they grabbed the two-time probowling Lito Shepard to help out at cornerback. We really need a speedy #1 Wide Receiver that commands a double team. Thoughts?

Remember how last year we showed Pennington some “respect” by unconditionally releasing him so that he could be free to find his own deal? Remember how he stayed in our division and kinda sorta made us look stupid? Well Bill Belicik remembered and there was no way in hell he was letting Matt Cassel even sniff the Atlantic Ocean again. The franchise tag was placed on him not to keep him a Patriot but to control where he landed. Vrabel to Kansas City made me smile. Both Vrabel and Cassel? KC looks to have gotten a stellar deal. The Patriots will be drafting a platoon of new young players in this draft. Also, something tells me that Tom Brady’s rehab is going exceptionally well.

The frenzied opening days of Free Agency are over but rest assured Rex and Tannenbaum still have plenty of cards to play. I expect them to sign a tight end that can block to replace Chris Baker. Jay Cutler‘s name is being kicked around probably by every team in the league. You know, the way he was blindsided in trade talks last week, I almost feel sorry for him. Then again, if he didn’t act like a constant jerk-off every chance he gets maybe the Broncos wouldn’t be trying to get rid of him. I would love to have his arm in a Jets uniform… just not his attitude.

Laveranues Coles has been the Grumpy Smurf on offense for awhile now. He wasn’t happy with Mangini’s training camps, he hates having to catch balls that are thrown too hard, and he missed his good buddy Chad Pennington. I think his sensitive hands miss Chad’s lobbed passes more than anything but hey that’s just me. After meeting with Rex Ryan this week, they’ve agreed to part ways amicably. Coles has been released and the Jets no longer owe him the 7 million bucks he was guaranteed (if I understand it correctly we’re now going to take a 1 million dollar hit). Halleluja.

This off season is off the hook. The list of recent non-Jets reads as such: Brett Favre, Mike Nugent, Chris Baker, Brandon Moore, David Barrett, Eric Barton (probably anyway), David Bowens, and now Grumpy Smurf. We’re clearing cap space faster than Bill Belichik can grab our unwanted players. You gotta know Chris Baker’s been targeted by the Pats right? I’ll bet anyone 50 bucks right now that Coles ends up with Chad in Miami. This is unbelievably…. something. I don’t know what but I just hope Tannenbaum has a Plan A, a Plan B, and a Plan C.

The team that just 3 weeks ago was reported to be in “Cap Hell” is now at least 22 million under and I bet that number will continue to grow until the start of Free Agency this Friday. That’s a ton of money to play with. Who are we targeting? Who does Rex have his eye on?

I’ll go out on a limb here and guess that a large chunk of Baltimore’s defense will be making the move to Jersey this spring. The Ravens pretty much made Terrell Suggs unatainable but beyond that, I don’t think there’s anything stopping Bart Scott, Ray Lewis, or Jim Leonard from coming here. So Ray Lewis is old and he wants to play in Dallas… perfect. Pick up Scott and Leonard.

As of right now we officially need a Wide Receiver. I’m hoping for TJ Houshmandzadeh as well as a player in the draft. Isn’t Ocho Cinco dying to get out of Cincinatti too? Coles really wasn’t the receiver he has been in the past. Between the dropped game breaking balls and the concussions he was starting to have, his whining really started to irk me. We’ve still got Jerricho Cotchery and he’s tough as nails. Even if it’s Clowney who lines up at least we’re putting some speed on the field.

Friday will hopefully reveal some of the Jets plans for free agency. Good players go quickly so I’m hoping (praying) that Woody has the checkbook raring to go. This is no time to sit on our butts and watch. By all indications the Jets have some $$$ burning a hole in their pocket and are ready to pounce. This is the Jets we’re talking about though, so you know it wouldn’t surprise me if we ended up getting Terrell Owens. Let me be clear, this is in no way an endorsement of TO. He’s a punk and I’m glad Jet’s fans aren’t even mentioning his name on team websites. Except I just kinda sorta did…

The 2008/2009 football season refuses to end for the Jets. To be honest, the past few weeks of the offseason have been more fun than that winless December when the Green Folk were underachieving on a monumental scale. First, there was the immediate firing of Cangini, followed by the hiring of D-Rex, and now Brett Favre has announced his plans to retire. Finally, all of our questions have been answered right? Not so much actually…

By retiring, Favre released the Jets from paying him 13 million buckaroos next year. Last week we were about 4 million dollars over the salary cap. Now, depending on who you’re listening to, we’re somewhere between 5 and 17 million under. That’s a pretty big swing and I wish I had D-Rex’s ear for an hour or so. Free Agency is suddenly fertile ground for a Jet fan’s imagination what with all those corner backs, all of those Ray Lewis’s, and all of those veteran quarterbacks milling about.

Debates on the Jets quarterback situation are raging across the interweb. Some people are demanding that we pick up a Byron Leftwich or Jeff Garcia. Others are claiming that Brett Ratliff is the second coming of Johnny Unitas after he burned several 3rd string defenses in the preseason. Me? Part of the reason the Favre acquisiton looked so great was that Kellen Clemens has a similar skill set. Clemens spent enough time watching Pennington be the “onfield general” that couldn’t ever beat a tough defense. Last year Clemens backed up the anti-Pennington. I would hope he’s learned from both and I for one would be happy with him taking the snaps under center. Ratliff had some great highlights but Kellen’s faced live bullets and he looked better than Duck Pennington doing so. I just hope he picked up a little of the Favre-ness he saw last season, specifically the part that never gives up on any play until the whistle blows or you score a touchdown.

Last week when Ray Lewis mentioned the Jets as a team he’d like to play for I didn’t see how we could justify getting an aging linebacker that would further push us over the salary cap. Now that we might be able to afford him I can’t help but see his upside. “YOU MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!” He knows the defense better than Sutton ever did. You want an onfield general? That’s exactly what Ray Lewis is… a pitbull/water buffalo mix that understands the hard hitting side of football as well as the strategic. One thing’s for sure when Lewis is on the field, his teammates are in position and that’s one area where we truly stank last season.

If I were sitting in Tannenbaum’s seat, I’d be intent on patching up the holes in our defense- namely the secondary. We stopped the run last season thanks to Jenkins, but our secondary made a bad habit of turning crappy QB’s into probowl contenders. Mr Tannenbaum, I beseech you sir, please go forth and make a run at Nnamdi Asomugha. Two shut down corners would free up our safeties to ball hawk. Kerry Rhodes sure talks a big game after having an utterly forgettable season. Let’s see if he can back it up… otherwise, we’re paying him too much money.