I'd Rather Get Beat Up In An Alley

Somehow I lucked into a split season ticket situation for next year. 4 games, I get to pick which ones. Basically, a father and son like the Jets but don’t want to go to every game. The only catch is that the Carolina and Jacksonville games are spoken for. Is that a catch? With the AFC East being once again incredibly competitive and Rex Ryan’s promise of a new style of football, I’ve spent some serious time debating which games I should go to.

First choice- and this one’s a no brainer- the Patriots are coming to town in week two for the Jets home opener. Rex Ryan vs Bill Bellicheat, round one- FIGHT! This game will bond coaches, payers, and fans for we will stand together against the tyranny of that state just North of Rhode Island. Tom Brady’s twice surgically repaired knee will be tested as will our revamped secondary I’m sure. Maybe they’ll actually serve beer at this game.

One player I truly can’t stand is Terrell Owens. The guy is either certifiably crazy or just a big dumb jerk. He’s as divisive a presence in the locker room as anybody and a crybaby to boot. I hope to God that he obliterates any semblance of chemistry the Bills had and I’d bet $$$ that he won’t be able to deal with playing alongside Lee Evans. October 18th the TO circus roles into town when the Jets host the Bills and this is another AFC East smackdown. I’m sure Rex feels the same way I do about Owens. Bart Scott is calling his new team “Swaggerlicious” but I’m not buying it until I see TO lit up like the Statue of Liberty on the 4th of July.

My next game will be another eventful one. It will be the first time that I’ve ever been able to root against Duck Pennington. Chad and his gaggle of Wildcat buddies are coming to town on November 1st and I’m confident that this will be a fun one. Did you see what Rex’s defense did to Chad in the playoffs? Yeah so did I. It was pretty much a beat down. Reminded me of my days as an Indian Leg Wrestler but I digress… The Dolphins had a cakewalk for a schedule last season. Next season? Not so much. Their first five games are against the Falcons, Chargers, Saints, Bills and Colts. I could easily see the Dolphins limping in to Giant stadium with a 1-4 record. Staggerlicious. “Welcome home Chad!” CHOMP!!! Did I mention that this is a Monday Night game? Oh… Hell… Yes…

So I’m barely two months into the season with only one game left to pick. This one is another nobrainer for both personal and historic reasons. It is also the only non-divisional game I’ll be at next season.

Personal- Laveraneus Coles is coming back to town with the Cincinnati Bungles. I still don’t understand why he turned down the guaranteed money he was owed but I don’t care. That salary cap space cleared room for our recent free agent madness and now I get to watch him drop balls for another team while wearing a tiger costume. This is the last game of the season so it’ll be cold as hell. The Bengals play in a dome. Juicy.

Historic- The Jets/Bengals game on January 3rd will be the last regular season football game to be played at Giant stadium. Finally Jimmy Hoffa will be able to rest in peace without all those enormous men jumping around on top of him. If the Giants or Jets secure a home field game in the playoffs then, sure, there’s more football to be played. It’s the NFL. Parody is rampant and there are no guarantees. So for now, this is the last coin flip, the last kickoff, and the last chance to watch LC get another concussion at Giant stadium. OK… so that’s maybe a little too mean. Coles has been a real turd burgler recently though so I don’t feel too bad.

Just a quick question here: anybody else sick of hearing Mark Sanchez talk about how great he is?

When the clock struck midnight last Thursday, many Jets fans turned to the internet for immediate news of the moves their team was making. Despite NFL propaganda, the Jets had created tons of room under the salary cap to play with. They had even more money to throw around then they expected thanks Laveranues Coles‘ sudden generosity- he pretty much gave back the 8 million bucks he was guaranteed so he could go play ball with Chad in Miami. Problem with his strategy is a big ol’ fat man named Bill Parcells who eats little wide receivers for lunch. Thanks Coles. Only time will tell if you’ve dropped the ball… again.

Well, the Jets apparently waited ten whole minutes before descending upon Bart Scott‘s house, dragging him all the way to Jersey, and signing his “violent” butt to a six year contract. Then the Jets went back to Baltimore (or made a phone call anyway) and have now signed Jim Leonard as well. Sweet.

The Jets even came up looking rosey after releasing long time lineman Brandon Moore. Around the inter-web, Jets fans weren’t too happy with the release of Moore. He was a rock-solid presence on the line. Dependable. And now he’s cheaper than he was. Brandon resigned with the Jets for $16 million for the next four years. The big $7 million hit we were going to take this year is no Moore.

TJ Houshmanhowyouspellhisname ended up in Seattle which means he won’t be coming here (boo), but it also means that the Seahawks probably won’t use their #4 draft pick on another wide receiver (yay!). Drafting a wide receiver is an option for the Jets especially since they grabbed the two-time probowling Lito Shepard to help out at cornerback. We really need a speedy #1 Wide Receiver that commands a double team. Thoughts?

Remember how last year we showed Pennington some “respect” by unconditionally releasing him so that he could be free to find his own deal? Remember how he stayed in our division and kinda sorta made us look stupid? Well Bill Belicik remembered and there was no way in hell he was letting Matt Cassel even sniff the Atlantic Ocean again. The franchise tag was placed on him not to keep him a Patriot but to control where he landed. Vrabel to Kansas City made me smile. Both Vrabel and Cassel? KC looks to have gotten a stellar deal. The Patriots will be drafting a platoon of new young players in this draft. Also, something tells me that Tom Brady’s rehab is going exceptionally well.

The frenzied opening days of Free Agency are over but rest assured Rex and Tannenbaum still have plenty of cards to play. I expect them to sign a tight end that can block to replace Chris Baker. Jay Cutler‘s name is being kicked around probably by every team in the league. You know, the way he was blindsided in trade talks last week, I almost feel sorry for him. Then again, if he didn’t act like a constant jerk-off every chance he gets maybe the Broncos wouldn’t be trying to get rid of him. I would love to have his arm in a Jets uniform… just not his attitude.

Laveranues Coles has been the Grumpy Smurf on offense for awhile now. He wasn’t happy with Mangini’s training camps, he hates having to catch balls that are thrown too hard, and he missed his good buddy Chad Pennington. I think his sensitive hands miss Chad’s lobbed passes more than anything but hey that’s just me. After meeting with Rex Ryan this week, they’ve agreed to part ways amicably. Coles has been released and the Jets no longer owe him the 7 million bucks he was guaranteed (if I understand it correctly we’re now going to take a 1 million dollar hit). Halleluja.

This off season is off the hook. The list of recent non-Jets reads as such: Brett Favre, Mike Nugent, Chris Baker, Brandon Moore, David Barrett, Eric Barton (probably anyway), David Bowens, and now Grumpy Smurf. We’re clearing cap space faster than Bill Belichik can grab our unwanted players. You gotta know Chris Baker’s been targeted by the Pats right? I’ll bet anyone 50 bucks right now that Coles ends up with Chad in Miami. This is unbelievably…. something. I don’t know what but I just hope Tannenbaum has a Plan A, a Plan B, and a Plan C.

The team that just 3 weeks ago was reported to be in “Cap Hell” is now at least 22 million under and I bet that number will continue to grow until the start of Free Agency this Friday. That’s a ton of money to play with. Who are we targeting? Who does Rex have his eye on?

I’ll go out on a limb here and guess that a large chunk of Baltimore’s defense will be making the move to Jersey this spring. The Ravens pretty much made Terrell Suggs unatainable but beyond that, I don’t think there’s anything stopping Bart Scott, Ray Lewis, or Jim Leonard from coming here. So Ray Lewis is old and he wants to play in Dallas… perfect. Pick up Scott and Leonard.

As of right now we officially need a Wide Receiver. I’m hoping for TJ Houshmandzadeh as well as a player in the draft. Isn’t Ocho Cinco dying to get out of Cincinatti too? Coles really wasn’t the receiver he has been in the past. Between the dropped game breaking balls and the concussions he was starting to have, his whining really started to irk me. We’ve still got Jerricho Cotchery and he’s tough as nails. Even if it’s Clowney who lines up at least we’re putting some speed on the field.

Friday will hopefully reveal some of the Jets plans for free agency. Good players go quickly so I’m hoping (praying) that Woody has the checkbook raring to go. This is no time to sit on our butts and watch. By all indications the Jets have some $$$ burning a hole in their pocket and are ready to pounce. This is the Jets we’re talking about though, so you know it wouldn’t surprise me if we ended up getting Terrell Owens. Let me be clear, this is in no way an endorsement of TO. He’s a punk and I’m glad Jet’s fans aren’t even mentioning his name on team websites. Except I just kinda sorta did…

Getting beaten up by a bunch of street punks wouldn’t have been anywhere near as painful as the last five weeks have been for Jets fans. The Football Gods just opened up their golden endzone, smiled upon the Jet faithful, and then poo-ed all over us. Wow that one sucked. I’m good at rationalizing but this was tough. I can’t help but wonder if Belichick’s karma contributed. The powers-that-be would rather see Manigini fired than a cheater coach his way through injuries galore and return to glory.

Eric Mangini had to go. The consistent problems we’ve had – an inability to adjust to other team’s game plans, the inability to win in the Pacific time zone, the inability to stop the pass (any pass), the reluctance to run the ball with the AFC’s leading rusher, stupid play calling, stupid time management, penalties penalties penalties – everything points to a coach who just isn’t getting the job done. We had Pennington, Belichick, and the rest of the East in a headlock with the most talented team in the league (7 pro-bowlers). My little sister would have had a problem screwing this one up. You know how, for the past month, you were thinking, “This can’t really be happening?” So was the front office. Of course they fired him at the first opportunity. He’s been ineffective since he sat down for Thanksgiving dinner.

So Bill Cowher was going to come in and be interviewed, then he wasn’t, then he was again, and now he’s not. Again. Who knows what’s going on with this one?

Bill Parcells will probably duck out of Miami and it makes sense if only for the Marbury themed paychecks he’ll be getting. Why not get paid Millions not to work and get paid millions to work at the same time. Same amount of work, twice the cash. Double dipping is as American as “cheese food” and just as tasty. Last time I checked, Parcells is an American.

Mike Shannahan got canned. Which I love, because I hate the Broncos and I really hate Jay Cutler. For Shannahan to have gotten fired it means the Broncos must have really screwed up… and boy did they. Shanny is a great coach but also a dirty one. Remember those Broncos players flopping against the Jets every time our offense got some momentum? Shannahan coaches to win and it’s not always pretty. Belicheat vs Shannahan twice a year? There’s going to be some busted knees if this one happens.

So, yeah we need a coach and the list of prospects is getting longer by the day. Ideally here’s what I’d like to see happen. Parcells leaves Miami, grabs Romeo Crennel as his defensive coordinator, and gives Jerry Jones the finger on his way into town. Then he fixes our secondary and lights a fire under Favre’s ass.

For my two cents Favre can’t be blamed until his receivers stop letting balls fly through their hands. I’ve lost so much respect for Laveranues Coles this season. Favre threw waaaaay too many interceptions but he never gave up on a single play. Unfortunately, his team often did.

The good news is, by firing Mangini “Next Year” has already begun for Jets fans. So much is up in the air… speaking of balls in the air, our secondary needs some serious off-season attention. Here we go again….

Happy New Year to All!!!

To Be Continued…