My favorite parts are…

“Why on Earth do I wanna get interviewed by him?”-  That’s Darrelle Revis making sense.  Actual logic.

“This is why I don’t talk to the Jets” -  Because they don’t like to talk to you Francesca?  Oh, cause you’re an idiot?  Or maybe it’s because you’re a disrespectful jerk-off

“I’m not going to let anyone tell me what is and what isn’t a penalty-”  I’m sorry, who the f*$k are you again?

“I was ready to move on”-  after he kept pushing and needling for four straight minutes, Francesca then talks about it for another three straight… ready to move on my ass

I’ve been wearing a Jerricho Cotchery jersey for years and the angst of the last two months is undeniable.  I watch the games in a Jets T-shirt and the losing streak really made matters worse.  To be honest my girlfriend has more viable Jets apparel than I do.  She’s probably got 6 different Jets baby-tee’s while I refuse to wear any Jersey that doesn’t bear a current player’s name on it.  In the past 4 weeks I’ve worn Jets ski-gloves, my Jets t-shirt, my Jets Santa hat… where I’m going is that it’s high-time I picked my current-roster jersey and thanks to dumb Francesca I now realize Revis is it.  Who else?  It’s been right there staring me in my face all along-  I guess I usually shy away from the crowd favorites but in this case why should I?  Revis is the man.  He knows how to deal with fools like Francesca.  And Brandon Marshall.  And Heyward-Bey, and Randy Moss.  And Andre Johnson, Terrel Owens, Ocho Cinco, Larry Fitzgerald, Vincent Jackson, Reggie Wayne… wow

Who’dathunk Nick Folk had it in him?  Honestly, who was happy the Jets went the “kill the clock” route instead of the “holy cow we need to get a lot closer before we even think about giving That Guy a shot?”  Due to the Juju I never would have said the following out loud during the game but (gulp) what if he had missed?  There’s a really short field him if you know what I’m sayin.

There’s all this talk about how terrible Romo played and how he gave the game away.  What about the defense selling him on man coverage and then boxing Dez Bryant in a zone?  Awesome.   It was a designed trap and it worked so well the football hit Revis square in the chest like he had run a hitch route.  Beautiful.

Boy did Mike Jenkins have a rough night.  It started when Shonn Greene barreled into him in the first quarter and culminated when Plaxico Burress leveled him in the 4th.  Not that I will ever feel sorry for anyone in a Cowboys jersey but he sure got the tar beat out of him.  I think Plax’s block finally raised the white flag.

Braylon who?

I personally  have one teeny tiny little ounce of fear going into Monday night’s game (ok I have a few but whatever).  Have you noticed the way our running backs this season love jumping over the pile on short yardage situations?  You know, 3rd and 1-  Ladainian Tomlinson takes the hand-off then leaps up and over the scrum to pick up the first down.  If you’ve been watching I’m sure you’ve picked up on the fact that Sean Greene recently added this maneuver to his repertoire.  At this point I’m certainly not complaining… they’ve converted a number of important 1sts this season.  It’s just that Jerod Mayo routinely stuffs that play.  Violently.  With helmets popping off and stuff.

I don’t want to see our old man LT (or Greene for that matter) leap up for a glorious 1 yard gain only to be smashed by the evil minions of Bill Belichik.  Perhaps Rex watched some film and picked up on Mayo’s soul crushing tendencies.  One can hope…

Is there anyone out there that could tell me why the Broncos aren’t losing a draft pick for filming other team’s during their walk through?  Didn’t we already establish that if you’re caught trying to steal other team’s game plans via film, it is punishable by draft pick denial and a 2 Kabillion dollar fine?  Monkey-see monkey-do I guess.  Or maybe… monkey-see his boss cheat and win Super Bowls monkey-think “Why not?”  I knew that I didn’t like McDaniels but I couldn’t put my finger on it.  Now I’ve figured it out.

He’s a douche Bag. 

A lying, underhanded, back stabbing, (and now) cheating douche.  I hope he cuts himself shaving if he ever becomes man enough to grow facial hair.

Let me set the stage, or reset it I guess.  Tie Ball Game.  35 seconds left.  We have 2 timeouts.  The ball is on our own 40 yard line.  A field goal wins it.  Obviously we look to get in Nick Folk’s range right?  The dude’s missed 3 field goals today but he can make up for it by booting this one home.  With a little luck and some good clock management we should be able to give him a shot.  Simple enough right?  I’m sure you all know where this is going but I’m going to rant about it anyway.

We played for overtime.  WTF?  Why? As if we hadn’t already come close enough to losing?  We ran the ball and let the clock wind down.  Stupid.  Why leave the game up to a coin toss?  Especially in a contest where we hadn’t exactly been running up the score?  I see no reason whatsoever for this possum-like strategy.

Before you hit me with your “But we won” comments let me remind you we won following Chansi Stuckey‘s miracle fumble after our offense failed to move the ball.  We did indeed win the coin toss but we did not march down the field triumphantly.  It didn’t go according to any plan whatsoever.  We. Lucked. Out.

Let me ask you this… what do you think Bill Belichick would have done in the same situation?  Rolled over and hoped for the best in overtime?!?!  Hell no!  That diabolical bastard would have tried to win the gosh darn game because that’s what NFL coaches are paid to do.  He would have put up 8 points and stormed back to his secret evil lair.

Schotty is no good.  Play calling aside, his clock management is worse than Herm Edwards’ ever was.  Remember the Minnesota game?  Favre’s interception saved Schotty from the  wrath of many an angry football-smart Jet fan.   A few short weeks later and here we go again.  Inexcusable.  Unexplainable.  Unforgivable.  Unless we win the Super Bowl… then I can forgive him.

Man it’s good to see Jerricho Cotchery playing like a superhuman again.

How does an offensive coordinator continually, year after year, make such bone-headed idiotic mistakes?   You’d think that someone who spends so much time working on football would comprehend basic offensive strategy.  You know, things like clock management or trying to get 1st downs… or even just understanding that his job is to try to win the game.  It reminds me of Herm Edwards back when he pretended he could coach for a few years (love ya Herm but really).

Lets relive the Jets final drive last night shall we?  We’ve got a 2 point lead with 2:47 left and the Vikings have just used their final time out.  It’s 1st down with 10 yards to go.  All we really need to do is run a play that takes 2 seconds to develop and the Vikings are on the ropes.  It could be a draw play, a pitch to the outside, a qb scramble…  anything that gets us to within 45 tics of the 2 minute warning.   At this point “yardage gained” becomes secondary to “time off the clock.”  All Minnesota could hope for is to get the ball back with maybe 30 seconds or so.   I’m going to remind you that they had exactly zero timeouts left.

I guess going for the jugular isn’t Schotty’s cup of tea because he once again got cute (or stupid- semantics I s’pose) and called a quick run followed by 2 passes.  Instead of pinning the Vikings with no time on the clock, we gave them almost 2 minutes to put together a drive that only would require a field goal to win the game.  In the words of Mark Sanchez’s great grandfather, “No Bueno.”  If you watched the game I’m sure you will agree with me when I say that we looked doomed.  Favre had been torching our defense the entire 4th quarter and 1 of two things was about to happen-  Favre was going to tear out the hearts of Jet Nation or Favre was going to throw an interception.  Thank the football gods it was the latter.

I just don’t understand it.  I’m not a professional football player, coach, ball boy, or cheerleader (well maybe) but this is basic to the game.  It’s fundamental.  What’s up with this dude?  I’ve seen him call double reverse pitches in a biblical rainstorm, in-completions on 3rd and inches, spread formations with an immobile quarterback, and pass plays to a hard nosed runner with hands made of stone.  How many times do I have to watch our offensive play calling hurt us?  Enough already.  Had we lost this game Schotty’s name would be mud and the back page of the Post would be hilarious at his expense.

I don’t know what moment was the most surreal – my seats being a mile away from the action or the entire stadium chanting Jason Taylor’s name at ear splitting volume.  I also found myself with a Taylor Ham sandwich, a meatball sub, and a flask of tequila but that’s a story for another day (or medium).

First things first: I’ve been to New Jets Stadium but this was my inaugural American Tackle Football game there.  What’d I think of the joint?  I’ll go through my loves before the hates because there were plenty of both.

Loved

• The atmosphere outside the stadium: One thing Jets fans know how to do is tailgate and I’m glad that all the new parking zones, train schedules, and shuttle buses didn’t stop the pregame festivities one bit.  There’s something awe inspiring about a short-bus painted green that transforms into a dual barbecue, 4 plasma screen, 12 seat bar complete with an awning and the NFL ticket.  My buddy and I pretty much wandered the rows of cars going from tailgate to tailgate.  I saw drunk people.
• The atmosphere right inside the gates: There were ping-pong tables ringing the stadium so people could play pick up games.  Seriously, ping pong!  I don’t know who’s idea that was, but that man/woman deserves a raise.  Stages were set up at the corners for live music too.  They wanted people to hang out and I think that’s just grand.
• This Joint is HUGE: I mean enormous.  It’s like the Coliseum on steroids.  I got the chills the first time Fireman Ed got a thunderous “J-E-T-S” going and because the place is soooo big, the fans on the other side of the stadium looked like little radioactive atoms vibrating  uncontrollably.  If you’ve seen radioactive atoms than you know what I’m talking about.  If not, then please ignore the end of that last sentence… moving on…
• The food:  I ate a gourmet meatball sub complete with delicious sauce and fresh shaved pepper-Parmesan.  My buddy made a bee-line for the Taylor Ham which I just thought was an odd choice. Next time I’ll go for the Taylor Ham and Egg.  That’s pretty much all I ate except for a few hand fulls of popcorn but everything I ate was a significant upgrade over the fare at the old Meadowlands.
• NFL Red Zone: There are giant televisions everywhere you look and the Red Zone channel was on every single one of them.  Any time a team in another game gets close to the end zone coverage switches to that game.   If you’ve never seen it before, The Red Zone is great to watch, especially on an airplane.  The giant screens in the four cornerstones had it done during time outs.  Brilliant!

Hated

• The food: I know, I know… this is on the “loved” list but you better get used to it because everything about the new stadium lives in the realm of love/hate.  As far as selection goes I can’t help but wonder what these folks were thinking.  There’s a movement amongst stadiums being built to provide quality local food to the fans and Taylor Ham is the only local slightly imaginative thing I saw.  Pretty weak in comparison.  I’m wondering if the Club Level provides a better selection but our attempt to check it out was denied by my Section 333 ticket.
• This Joint is HUGE:  I’ve never wished I had binoculars before at a sporting event.  The same nose bleed ticket in this stadium feels much farther away.  The Players resembled ants more than humans and without the giant TV’s in the corners it would really be difficult to follow the action.
• Not fan friendly:  Most new stadiums are built with as many sight lines as possible so that if you’re wandering around buying beer or food you can still see the field of play.  The New Meadowlands is the exact opposite.  Literally the only place to see the action is from your seat.  There are TV’s everywhere, yes, but that’s just not the same.  There are actually members of the stadium staff who’s job was specifically to shoo fans away from any areas behind seats where they might catch some action.  This is the worst example of any stadium aiming at corporate money and ignoring the real fans that I have ever witnessed. We weren’t even allowed to check out the Club Level food selection. It is also my biggest problem with the new digs.

Will I go back?  Most definitely – just not as much as I normally would because I can’t afford expensive seats and the cheap ones really suck it sideways.  I’m thinking that rather than go to my usual 4+ games,  I might just pick one or two and spend the money for a real seat.

In other news… we’ve got Miami this weekend.  You know what that means?  It’s one of my favorite times of the season!  I get to roll the clip of Leon demolishing Channing Crowder.  Best. Clip. Ever.

After Monday Night’s game against the Ravens it’s safe to say these are indeed the same ol’ New York Football Jets.  We showed the world how easy it is to take a talented group of men playing their inaugural game in a brand new stadium and make it look like they don’t even know the rules much less how to score a touchdown.  Illegal Shifts, loads of Pass Interference, pure stupidity (Keller) and fumbles galore… Yes: these men deserve to wear the Green and White.

Then why are all the Jets die-hards already jumping ship?  Literally during the 1st quarter of the game after Braylon’s idiotic penalty negated what would have been a beautiful pass to Dustin Keller my buddy looked at me with a straight face and yelled, “You know we’ve lost the game already!”  Classic abused puppy syndrome… he spent the rest of the game freaking out and now is refusing to go to the Patriots game Sunday because, “it’s going to break my heart to watch us go 0-2.”  This sentiment was not just Larry’s (sorry buddy -  you deserve it) but was also popular among many fans watching the game with us in the bar.  Not only are we in week 1 here but also in the 1st quarter of week 1.   All across the internet, on ESPN, and throughout my Jets-loving bar, people are pulling the shoot and giving up on the season.  I find it disheartening… and yet welcome.

The fact that Larry was right sucks and is beside the point.  I believe in Mojo.  I believe in Juju.  I don’t think the season is anywhere near over and fully expect to beat the Patriots despite Randy Moss’s bravado and Tom Brady’s new hairdo.  With Rex Ryan’s big mouth and coverage from Hard Knocks of training camp propelling the hype machine, our boys in Green have been adding new fans at an astonishing clip.  Seems like everywhere I look what used to say “Giants” now says “Jets.”  Everyone I talked to during the game had an in-depth knowledge of the differences between a 3-4 defense and a 4-6.  If I heard the words “Exotic Blitz” come out of one more analysts mouth I might have given myself a swirly in my aforementioned bar.  None of these things are an issue any more.  The masses are now rooting against us.  They’re cheering for the Jets to get punched in their big, wide, open mouths.

It’s back to being just us: the abused puppies, the die-hards who remember Testeverde’s achilles, Byar’s fumble, Marino’s fake spike, Rich Kotite, and the gall of Belichik hitting the road for New England.  It was before my time but some of us might even remember Shea Stadium, Maynard, Klecko, Namath and a glorious Super Bowl.

We are the Jets faithful and regardless of what happens this is our team.  True, we’re a bunch of idiots but we’re football smart idiots who sell out our games no matter how many losses we accrue or how stupid our tight end appears to be (10 yards Keller. NOT 9).  Other teams have fair-weather fans.  The Jets have foul-weather fans.  When things are going wrong, we nod in solidarity, “Yup, I remember this feeling.  Must be football season.”

I’m a rare breed amongst the sea of Green and White: an optimistic Jets fan.  It’s just in my nature to see the incredible possibilities rather than the perhaps inevitable defeat when the final whistle blows.  We all knew that the first three games of the season were going to be a bitch.  Why mope around when we lose the 1st one against what many consider to be a Super Bowl caliber team?

The Patriots don’t have the defense that the Ravens have but they do have an inexhaustibly meticulous coach who will go over every play from Sunday’s game with a fine-toothed comb.  Expect the Pats to stack the box.  Expect Brady to target Wilson and Cromartie.  Expect Larry to pronounce us dead in the water if we lose the coin toss.  I, for one, am really looking forward to a great game.

We start discussing trade possibilities – that’s what.  If Darrelle doesn’t want to play here for $12 million a year than maybe we can ship him off to some 3-13 team and get us some Herschal Walker-esque love if you know what I mean (wink wink).  Trust me, I know this is probably just a way of coping with agony and I don’t care.

Let’s take a look at some prospects shall we?

We’ll start in the NFC… try our best not to have to face the Island on a regular basis.  The bottom of the barrel sounds promising.

O’ Detroit, your Lions are more like possums.  There’s not much on this team that I could see being worth our stud corner.  Maybe their draft pick next year?  Okay, it’s the Lions-  I’d definitely take their #1 next season.

What about Washington?  The Redskins are always up for a trade.  Revis for Haynesworth straight up!  I’ll take it as long as we don’t have to repay any of that $20 million Albert stuffed in his pocket while he was holding out a few weeks back.

Would the Vikings give up Adrian Peterson?  No way in hell.  Maybe one of their receivers… we don’t need any.  Well then, what do we need?  A safety would be nice.

Would KC give up their rookie safety?  Eric Berry should be playing for Rex anyway.   Another defensive lineman might be a good fit.  A tight end?  Keller’s still the man.

I’ve got it!  Let’s trade him to the Seahawks for their #1 pick next season and their #2 running back.  I hear he’d be a fan favorite up here in New York.   That would be awesome!  Revis holds out because he sees the way the Jets treated Leon Washington only to be the focal point of a trade bringing everyone’s favorite gummy bear home.  Leon’s under a 1 year contract for less than $2 million… I’m just sayin’.

There’s always room for a stud running back right?  I’m sure the Ravens would love to have Revis in a purple uni.  Would they give up Ray Rice though?  Probably.  Let’s do it (although this is in our conference).

More than anything I want Darelle practicing with the rest of the NFL’s #1 defense.  I’m not surprised that Hard Knocks painted the picture with a team-sided slant.  We’ve got to remember that for the most part we’re only getting what the team is putting out there.  They want Revis to look like the bad guy and they’re doing a good job of it.  Who knows what was said at the diner?  Cameras weren’t allowed – we only saw Tanny driving to the meeting and driving away from the meeting.  I wouldn’t put anything past Revis, his agent or our GM.  When you get to this level, the big guns are always on the table.

Tannenbaum:  Hi Darrelle

Revis:  Hello Mike

Tannenbaum:  When you coming to camp again?

Revis:  Next Thursday remember?  I’m going to the Bahamas this weekend.

Tannenbaum:  That’s right.  It’s in your new contract.  You’ve got to work on your tan for the cameras.  What do you think -  tuna salad or cheeseburger deluxe?

Revis:  The cheeseburger but substitute onion rings.  They’re beer battered.  You getting a shake?

Tannenbaum:  I will if you will!!!

Sadly, you can’t build a team around a corner back.  You just can’t.  Jerry Glanville tried to do that in the 90′s with Deion Sanders. I’m pretty sure that the only thing that team accomplished was getting their butts whupped in the Wild Card Round. Maybe Darelle should follow in Prime Time’s footsteps if he’s looking for some extra loot and try out for the Yankees.  But there I go digressing again.  I don’t blame the Jets for not wanting to dump “#1 Quarterback money” on the league’s #1 corner back.  We’ve got other players to pay: namely, Nick Mangold (DO IT Tanny!).

Revis is the man, no doubt about it.   He’s an unbelievably gifted athlete who not only possesses the physical skills to be an elite NFL player but also plays with smarts.  He dupes quarterbacks into throwing his direction much like a boxer drawing his opponent into throwing an ill advised right-cross.  Then — BANG! — he snags the ball and forces a turnover.  It’s the smarts that piss me off.  He knows that if the Jets pay him $16 million bucks they’re going to have less money to spread around.  Depth is important.  Talent is important.  Multiple weapons are important.  All these motherf#$%ers want big bucks.  It might be the Jets PR finally getting to me but I’m starting to see Revis as a selfish player.  He’s putting his wallet in front of his team’s ability to win games and that’s just  a bunch of baloney.

The bottom line couldn’t be clearer: you sign a contract to play a team sport for X amount of years, you honor it and show up for work no matter how much more you think you might be worth.  Haynesworth is practicing for God’s sake.  Revis – get your but to work.  Football’s a team sport, homey, and you’re letting down everybody on the defense by sitting out.

This might be my favorite picture ever.

Check it out.  Revis gives away his secret on this play.  In between his 360 and his Spiderman-style landing, Darrelle throws a Tornado Kick.

There is no man or woman on the planet that can just “do” a tornado kick.  Nobody roles out of bed one day with the ability to throw that kick.  It takes time and practice… lots of practice.

Why did he do it during a high-stakes playoff game?

Simply because he can.

Covering Ocho Cinco for two weeks probably bored him to death.  Whatever his reason, we now know the secret to his skills.  Vincent Jackson better look out.  Messing with a ninja is never a good idea.